God'sTimimg

Grace cuddled up next to me the other evening and said "Mom I wish my sister could be with us this Christmas". I told her that God knows the right time for her to join our family. I explained to her that he has a plan for us even when we don't understand it. I wish I had always found comfort in those statements. About 2 years ago I really began a journey with God. I lost my father suddenly on August 19th. It was a normal day, until Luther came in and told me we needed to go to the hospital. I knew I was never going to get to hug, talk to, or just spend time with my daddy again on this earth. I knew and trusted my heavenly father, but found it hard to completely move past the sadness. Each person brings something different to a family and I missed his presence to our family. I wanted him back for just a little longer. I felt like a failure as a follower of Christ. I felt that if I were a good enough Christian I could just move on. I mean I knew my dad was better off in heaven, but I felt such a void. It was my Christian counselor Jenn sharing with me that what I felt was normal and that God is with me even when I don't know what to say or do. That God wants me to depend on him. It was this journey with God that has brought to where I am today. I am not afraid to be real with God. If I want a real relationship with him, then I have to tell him how I feel. He already knows it, but me saying it shows my willingness to be open & truthful. I have to say that I feel closer to God than any other time in my life. I can truly say that I have accepted that God really does know what is best for me. It is not just something I understand in my mind but in my heart. It is like my relationship I had with my dad. I didn't always agree with his decisions growing up, but I always knew he only wanted the best for me. It is the same with my heavenly father, He only wants the best for me & the best is to be a part of His story. He wants to use me to tell his story, but I have to be willing to be used by Him. So this adoption journey is just my willingness to be obedient. God has already pored out so many blessings on me that I do not deserve and we are just in the beginning of the adoption process. I can't imagine what he has planned, but I am so glad I am getting to be part of His story.