Well so much has happened over the past year home with our two youngest girls. We have watched them experience so many firsts from starting to school for the first time to learning to use a water fountain. I can say there have been many days of joy and laughter but also days filled with tears, grieving, anger, and sadness. Adoption is HARD friends. That first year was probably the hardest thing I have ever experienced. God took me to a place where I could only trust in him. I learned to listen to the Holy Spirit in ways I never have before. Sometimes second to second as Esther would grieve & cry out in anger over loss but feel undeserving of the family & love God had given her. He taught me so much about Himself during this past year. I saw myself in Esther. I remembered the times that I have acted that way towards my Heavenly Father. I have kicked, screamed, disobeyed, grieved what I wanted for my life instead of realizing that He knew what was best and that He loved me more than I could ever comprehend. You see I love all of my children more than they will ever understand. There is nothing they could do good or bad to increase or decrease my love for them. Our Heavenly Father feels the same way towards each of use. He created us in our mother's womb. He focused on every little detail & knows every hair on our head. Just like I can not make the past disappear for my girls. I can help them, love them, encourage them, and most of all show them how much their Heavenly Father loves them & chases after them. This morning during my quiet time I read the following from a devotional by
priscilla: a yes beyond measure
Sisters, do not be surprised when God uses you for the Kingdom. Do not be surprised when His plans for you are greater than the plans you imagine for yourself.
Saying yes to the Lord goes far beyond logistics. It goes beyond a block in our schedules, a note in our planners. It reaches beyond the gifts we feel comfortable using, beyond the box that our status and culture and insecurities would like us to live within.
A yes said to the Lord is impossible to qualify on earth because it is kingdom business. It has eternal repercussions, soul-changing ripples that reach all the way to Heaven’s shore.
I want to ingest this and make it my prayer every day. You see friends as hard as this past year has been I know that God knew where we would be now, a year later. I see my girls embracing the love, claiming us as their family, believing they are beautiful. A year later if you see them they have a glow that they did not have a year ago. This is NOT anything Luther & I have done but is only from God. Yes we listened to him but still made mistakes. Yes we trusted Him but not 100% of the time. And yet God is faithful. He took our imperfect selves & has used it to show off. I can not wait to see what the next year holds. I know there will be tough times but God will be faithful. It might not look like what I think it should because remember it is kingdom business not Ronda's plans that are important.
